To be perfectly honest with you, I have been struggling lately. It has been one month now since we pulled the boys out of preschool to begin homeschooling. That is one month of three kids 24/7 with no break for me. And my husband working 14 hour days. And of course that is after a year of him being deployed and parenting for the most part solo. Can you say “burnt out?”
Behavior around here has been not so pretty either.
For any of us.
I’ve been doing some major praying and soul-searching and have come to a few conclusions:
1. I have been just a (ahem) tiny bit overwhelmed with the three boys and the impending move. I think instead of engaging the kids I’ve been almost throwing toys/movies/activities at them-hoping they will keep busy so that I can do other things (pack, organize, attend to the baby. Their playroom is chaos. Their behavior reflects that chaos as well.
2. This approach (or survival method, if you will) is not at all in line with how I fundamentally believe I should parent. In fact it is diametrically opposed to how I used to parent before the deployment. Prior to the deployment I took a very Montessori-inspired approach to their days and areas and very strictly limited screen time. I think when my husband was gone and I was having such a tough pregnancy I started to co-parent with the TV.
3. I am not happy day to day overall. I love my kids and treasure being a stay-at-home Mom but I feel stressed, the kids are acting out, and its nothing like it used to be. This is an incredibly sad and frustrating way to feel.
I am realizing that I need to return to the things that worked for us…more structure, less chaos; more Montessori, less TV; more engagement, less escapism on my part.
Is this a common pitfall for other mothers? I know I can’t be the only one; but part of me really feels as though I have been failing my family. It makes me angry at myself and to be honest a small part of me wants to blame the Army for taking my husband away repeatedly and the long hours he’s working even now that he’s home.
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But then I step back, take a deep breath and I realize we chose this life and it is a very good life.
Even with the ups and downs. So here’s looking up….
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Yours is one of many posts I’ve read by Homeschooling moms who are dying of guilt, but realize that for various reasons, they just can’t do it…..at least not this way or at this moment. I know that nothing that a stranger says to you will really impact that, (since us moms have a special handle on guilt), but please try to hear me when I say that you can step back and let go of some of your expectations of yourself, your kids and your life. Sometimes you can just lower the expectations so that you can get through the moment.
(and on an unrelated matter, can I ask you to make your font a little larger? i love your blog but find it so hard to read….)
It takes a village! Would it work to put the boys in a half-day Montessori preschool program, or maybe full-day three days a week, then engage them in Montessori-style activities when they get home? Then you could use the time they are at school to complete chores/errands or just take a rest, and when they get home you won’t be distracted by everything else on your to-do list. And they would get the socialization of preschool. I really don’t think it has to be all-or-nothing. Please do NOT feel guilty if you can’t “do it all.” It’s not the goal of parenting, I believe. And remember to congratulate yourself on the good job you’re doing!
Oh – and to Carol-Anne – if I push the control button and the + button, it makes the whole page bigger for me. I have a Mac, but I think it should work on a PC too.
Thanks for the ideas, once we move I’ll re-evaluate the homeschooling situation. We have until August to make a final decision about sending my oldest to public school kindergarten. I am hoping we will be able to find a way to make it work once things settle down. The homeschooling itself hasn’t been a huge source of stress but the lack of decompress time for me is an issue. My husband is working with me on that so hopefully my self-induced stress will let up soon!
Hang in there. There is a lot on your plate right now that is stressing you out. You are not only thinking about the house that you are in now but how you are going to be doing things once you are in the new house. Take things one day at a time. My kids thrive on structure & so I can understand where you are coming from. Just do the best that you can do. Take some time for you so that you can refresh yourself. The kids will be just fine & so will you. You will get through this.
here is to chaos, Oh to have one day of my children when they were young, Yes I am now a grandparent.
Here is what I would say to you as a young Mother
copwebs Keep, and take a brake for yourself, It will make you a better Mom, take a breath, Pray a little bit more and sit and read to your children, comedown the routine and you will be happier for it as I look back I am glad I sat and played with my children. they are very prescious memory
Hi Friend! I just discovered your blog – how did I not know?! Don’t give up on homeschooling. I get incredibly stressed out too, but I find it helps to remember (especially when I’m failing to “school” at all) that my kids are only 5 and 3. The most important lessons they need to learn right now are life lessons, playing nicely, sharing, manners, etc. They don’t HAVE to read fluidly by 5. Although, as a pioneer homeschooler in my family, I feel enormous pressure to make my kids excel beyond their cousins otherwise I feel they think I’m not benefitting my kids. I think we need to band together, not worry about what other people think, and just do what we are capable of doing at each moment. Some weeks will be better than others. One homeschooling tip I read that I LOVE, is to study five weeks on and break for a week, then 5 weeks on followed by a week break. We are not doing anything routinely right now, but come July when we start kindergarten we are definitely using this method – for my sanity! That week off gives me time to plan the next 5 weeks. Give yourself some credit! Your boys are excelling, so a break from a strict schedule while you move isn’t going to hurt them. But I get the need for some structure otherwise chaos ensues. Take it a day at a time. I wish I was closer and could take your boys for a few hours . . . Chin up! This too shall pass! I’m always just a phone call or email away!! I need to remember that you are too.
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